Addiction

Addiction is a curious thing, typically as a society we think about addiction to alcohol or drugs. Things which can really take over and ruin your life. I think there is a second type of addiction. One which does not completely take over, where the addict can still lead a normal life. But, where the addiction can cause someone to make particular decisions that in isolation are not that obvious, but looked at as a whole constitute a pattern. The person who needs a drink when they get home from work for instance.

I think toy collecting for me is like this. I’m not so addicted I don’t have money for rent and food. I’m still aware of what is most important. I spend quite a lot of money feeding my addiction, which over the course of several years could equate to a nice holiday or a new car. However, these toys make me happy and in comparison to how much my partner spends on clothes, I really don’t feel too guilty (mostly).

I think where the real impact lies is with time and my perception of it. We as human beings worry about things, sometimes unnecessarily, but mostly because we need to do something, a preventative action perhaps. I am somewhat preoccupied with toys, in my waking life I spend a lot of time thinking about them. This affects my home and work life because I’m not as focussed as I could be.

It makes me feel me busier than I really am and therefore more stressed. I still do everything I need to, but I don’t plan for things effectively. Everything becomes more rushed. My decisions are not optimum and so it subtly affects my life.

The result? I don’t spend so much time taking exercise, seeing friends or family. I am not as good at work as I could be. Perhaps I don’t sleep as well because of the stress. How to balance this then? Something which makes me happy, but at the same time takes up just a bit too much time.

As I write this I am contemplating buying the Marvel Legends civil war 3-pack, I should perhaps be doing something more productive. (Though I could argue self analysis is useful in and of itself.)

That is the nature of addiction, you don’t always make the best decisions. Someone who is addicted to food, they know they don’t need that extra chocolate bar, but they can’t stop themselves. It plays on their mind. If I had the answer I would be a rich man. The first step though I think is self awareness, if you can be aware of your own behaviours, you can try and do something about it.